My Ghosts

The Nicest Masshole goes very personal. Ladies – and possibly gents – this is a post for the ages. And one that I am sure MANY of you will be able to relate to. It does somehow keep with my theme of being the nicest Masshole. Just takes a lots of words to get there! Also, unfortunately this is not about REAL ghosts….which would be so much better.

Ready for a long story and a deep look into my life?! Here. We. Go.

In July 2017, my BF of two years, and the man who asked my parents to marry me seven months earlier, sat me down and told me he wasn’t happy or in love with me anymore. So that was that. We broke up. I ended up with the apartment we leased TOGETHER starting in April because I could “afford it” and Mika of course. She was clearly my pup – cuddling in my lap as we were having this convo.

Fast forward a little over a month to our first sighting of each other since he moved out. I had reached out to him because I still had found some of his things as I was going through and packing my life to move across the country. We grabbed drinks at Cowboy Jacks and had a pretty good time. It was a little awkward and I was a mess but we talked about some things that we needed to talk about.

Two weeks later we met up again, at Cowboy Jacks, and had a great time! He told me that he missed me and that he regretted things. That he still loved me. All the things you want to hear as a girl who was broken up with. We met up again TWO DAYS before I left the great state of Minnesota to embark on my journey across country. Said our goodbyes, shared a few kisses and tears, you know.

We decided to keep talking and see where things would lead. I was cautious because my heart was broken a few times throughout our relationship but if you know me, you know I don’t do things half way. I love deeply and hurt even harder. He talked about coming out to Boston for New Years, me heading to visit, him looking at jobs and moving to Boston…literally everything you want to hear. And my hopes were through the roof at the thought that maybe this would work.

Cue the ex! (This has happened to me more than once – the BF “reconnects” with an ex and get swept away.) November comes along and so does, let’s call her Florence just for shits and giggles. I was told to not worry. “We are just friends”. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I finally decided, on December 30th, that I needed to be done. Like completely done. With his family I loved. His friends who became mine. All of it. I had spent 2.5 years of my life PROVING that I am a great person and a pretty awesome GF. And I shouldn’t have had to prove anything. I was just the one who gave in. Who did everything I could to make things work. I was trusting and loyal, positive ALL the time, TOO DAMN NICE.

Fast forward, again.

February 13th – two people in my life, who had never met, sent me separate screenshots of my ex and this Florence. I was acutally doing ok until the realization that they were talking wedding. Who does that!? How do you think that it is ok to tell someone you still love them, that you want to see where things will go and that you want to be with their family on Christmas when you are falling for someone else? I literally have ZERO bone in my body that would let me do that to someone. And that is not about being nice. That is about being a good human.

THE NEXT MORNING I get a message from another ex (who did practically the EXACT same thing to me). Telling me that he regrets what happened and that he wished things could be different and all of these things that anyone would want to hear. But WTF. I seriously think that God is just up there chuckling away at all of this. I mean, he does have a sense of humor, right?! How does this happen

This has all sucked for me – for a long time. But I can’t help but wonder “why now”. I know there is a learning lesson through all of this. It will take time to figure out what that was but I truly think that everything happens for a reason.

  • I have kept in contact/reconnected with so many friends
  • I have put myself out there with this #LipBiz thing meeting some awesome people
  • I am closer to my family than ever
  • I am in the city that I dreamed about for so long

And I am finally ready to take control of my life. I let my relationships define me, not enhance my life – that is not ok. I gave my all while my partner(s) was only giving what he wanted. That’s fucked up (excuse my language). No more Bumble or Tinder antics. It is my time to kick ass at work. At friendships. At Orange Theory (which I had planned a tour of the night all this happened. Coincidence, I think not). I have trips planned. A puppy who loves me.

Then and only then will I let someone into my life that is truly meant to be there. I will most likely kiss a few more frogs – but maybe one will be my “prince”. Ha!!

Yes, I will still be the Nicest Masshole – just a much more confident one!